Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
