Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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