the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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