Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
