hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
