I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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