Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
