College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Barsexuality is the new black.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
