Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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