You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
