So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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