yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
