Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
