I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
