I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize