get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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