I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
