Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I want to have your abortion
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
