DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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