Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
