South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
