He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
