I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
