We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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