dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
