He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
