My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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