I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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