But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
