my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They took my balls.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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