did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
