I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
