So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize