hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
