you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
should my penis look like a turkey
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
