Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
