I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
