"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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