She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
