Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize