I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
should my penis look like a turkey
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
