Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How does one acquire holy water?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
