I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
