I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize