So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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