weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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