Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
