I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
