you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
