I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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