she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
