it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
