you guys were way drunker than both of me
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
