I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
