alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
