I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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