is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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