there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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