She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
