I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
