I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
