Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Randomize
