none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
