So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
