Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
