wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
