Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
