There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
