Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
