a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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