I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
