Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
