How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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