Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
