I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
