Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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