She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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