the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
