I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
