nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
