only you would photoshop your dick
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
