I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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