this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
