tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i barfeds in our rink
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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