i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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