Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize