i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
