Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize