At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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