ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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