I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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