i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
