just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
