Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
