we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
