I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
