if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
