I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
