Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
