im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
