Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
