So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
