1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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