Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
