He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize