He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want her autograph on my taint
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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