Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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