I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
