Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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