Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
