Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
