forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
