hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
