I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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