I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
