Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
