Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
