I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
