new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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