Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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